Things That Inspire Me Vol. 1

In the interest of fairness, I've decided to post a counter-blog to my 'Irritation' blog. Sure, there are a lot of things that irritate me. I'm sure there are a ton of things that irritate ya'll. But too much time is wasted complaining about things or talking about things that bug us.

Now I'll probably still keep posting about things that irritate me in the future, 'cause Lord knows people can be stupid sometimes.

Anyway, so right now the Gators are pretty inspiring to me. My performance throughout the semester has pretty much mirrored their playing. In the beginning, I was pretty awesome but not wowing or anything. Much like the beloved Gators. Then I kinda got overconfident and lazy and BAM classes became my Ole Miss. But now I feel determined and like I'm on a mission! Just like my football boys!

Another thing that inspires me are homeless people. Seriously. I've always wanted to do some sort of feature piece on homelessness, and I haven't yet, but I did have a mini-experience with the issue Friday. I got to talk to a lot of really nice people. One guy I spoke with was so, so optimistic and had a huge smile on his face the whole time I spoke with him. He just wasn't worried about getting back on track. He was determined. And talking with these people just gave me a whole human perspective on this sad situation. It put a face to the countless stories we all read or see about.

One last thing, Coldplay's Viva la Vida should be an inspiration to all. Not even the lyrics, just the music. No really, those soaring strings, the rhythmic beating of a drum, the hopeful tinging of the bell! Sigh.

Things That Irritate Me Vol. 1

As editor-in-chief of this hallowed blog, I've decided I'm writing a weekly* recap of things that irritate me. See how I did that with the title and all?

Something that has irritated me from DAY 1 since school started is the general rudeness of college kids. One of my afternoon classes has about 250 kids in it. We're there for one hour Tuesday then two hours Thursday. And it never fails on both of those days -- week in and week out -- that the entire class decides to come down with the black lung.

I'm not kidding. I've never heard so many people coughing since the *cough* I'm-going-to-say-what-I-really-mean hidden-within-this-clever-fake-cough *cough* phase of 2003. I don't understand it! I'm thisclose to bringing in a communal bag of Hall's.

Another thing that irritates me are the newish Heinz ketchup bottles. Well not technically the bottles, but the little rubber thingy that is supposed to make it easy squirt or whatever.

It does not make it easy squirt.

I can't tell you how many times I've lost a good burger to a puddle of ketchup. See, I like to put my ketchup on my hamburger in a very precise manner. I draw a little swirly because it disburses a perfect amount that covers the entire circumference of the patty. But not with this exploding ketchup bottle. You can't squeeze it gently because nothing will come out. Then when you squeeze it too hard it all gushes out on the burger. Not cool.

So, those are really the only things that irritate me this week. I probably won't ever talk about how I think people are stupid when they drive because that would be a daily event.

* Not a guarantee. More like an ideal. Participation may vary, void where prohibited.

People

So, every day when I go to school I have to park in a parking garage then ride the bus onto campus. So far I haven't been one of the unlucky ones who's had to run after the bus while flailing my arms and screaming. I've seen one guy do that though.

Most days I sit in the exact same seat; mainly because I need to be in a place where the sun won't distract me from playing Solitaire on my iPod. Also, I always sit on the window seat, that way when the bus gets crowded there is a perfectly good, and prime real estate might I add, seat next to me.

HERE'S what I don't understand. The bus makes about 86 stops before mine. It gets crowded pretty quickly. And what I've noticed is that people would rather stand and hold onto the bar than sit in a seat next to a stranger. I'm not talking about just me, I've seen it with other open seats too.

Trust me, I was getting worried.

Why is this? I mean, is it like when you go into a bathroom and you don't take the stall right next to one that's occupied? I don't get it. People aren't pooping on the bus.

What's really annoying is when the bus is super crowded and some ding-dong stands RIGHT beside an open seat and holds onto the railing, which then makes a line form and everyone gets uncomfortable.

Have we become so detached from each other that sitting next to someone we don't know on a bus has become a faux pas? Maybe. I think some people would rather stand it out than sit through 10 minutes of forced chit-chat. I don't know.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to sit in the seat next to some kid on the bus when it's just the two of us on there. That's creepy.

How about a magic trick?

This is all entirely from memory, so be prepared to be amazed. I AM SO COOL FOR HAVING THIS MEMORIZED!

Joker: Ha ha ha ha ha ah ha oh eh heh ah he ha ha he ooh he ha. And I thought my jokes were bad.

Gambol: Gimme one reason why I shouldn't have mah boi here pull your head off.

Joker: How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pencil disappear. TAH DAH! It's ah, it's gone. Oh and by the way, the suit, it wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it.

Russo/Hispanic dude: Sit. I want to hear ProPosition.

Joker: Let's wind the clocks back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? J'ya, j'ya balls drop off? Hm? Ya ya see a guy, like me-

Gambol: A freak.

Joker: Guy like me...Look, listen, *click click*, I know why you choose to have your little *clears throat* group therapy sessions in broad daylight. I know why you're afraid to go out at night: The Batman. You see Batman has shown Gotham your true colors unfortunately. Dent? He's just the beginning. A-a-and as for the uh television's so-called "plan", Batman has no jurisdiction. He will find him and make him squeal. I know the squealers when I see them and...

Russo/Hispanic dude: What do you propose?

Joker: It's simple we uh kill the Batman.

Moroni: If it's so simple why haven't you done it already?

Joker: If you're good at something never do it for free.

Russo/Hispanic dude: How much you want?

Joker: Eh, half.

Charles: You're crazy.

Joker: I'm not, no I'm noT. If we don't deal with this now, soon little eh Gambol, here, won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.

Gambol: Enough from the clown!

Joker: Ah da da da let's not blow this outta proportion.

Gambol: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?

Joker: Yeah.

Gambol: I'm putting the word out: five-hundred grand for this clown dead, a million alive, so I can teach him some manners first.

Joker: Alright so listen, why don't you give me a call when you wanna start taking things a little more seriously. Here's my card. Hm mm.

It's that time guys

Keeping with the random style of this blog, I want to offer some sound advice on a hot-button issue: Christmas cards. It’s October, so we’re already about three months into the holiday season. But now’s the time to start thinking about those pesky holiday cards.

Christmas is the ultimate family time. It’s about putting life on pause and turning cell phones off. And while you’re in family mode, it’s important to remember the other people in your life that you may not see as often as you like. This is where Christmas cards can be your solution.

But don’t go and buy a box of 100 with a kitten on the front playing with a ball of string in front of a Christmas tree and stamp your name on the inside. Get personal. Yes, it is more time-consuming, but isn’t it worth the time? By making your own cards, you’re really able to showcase your inner creative soul, while giving those who receive them something to remember.

Use this time to work on them with your family! Make it a fun project, where everyone can have a different job. Kids love to feel like they’re involved and helpful. And don’t worry about cards being “perfect.” You can come up with your own ideas, then use websites like 123print.com to make it happen.

Here's a handy link! Personalized Christmas Cards

I was looking around on there, and you can do things like add your own pictures to show your adorable kids or that awesome vacation in the mountains. Sometimes the endless options can be overwhelming, and this is where it’s cool to get the family involved. Get their opinions. Besides, the cards are “Love, the _______ family,” right?

So get your craft on for the holiday season and have fun with it! It doesn’t have to be stuffy or boring, or wild or crazy. It just has to be you.

What a Creepy Blog Title

Yeah, completely creepy Lar. Anyways, I only blog when Lar blogs, so that should lend enough credence to my excuse as to why I haven't blogged.

Now, normally I offer my opinion on whatever it is that Lar blogged about, but seeing as how what Lar just blogged about is pretty lame, I'm going to rant.

1. I love how people feel like their thoughts actually matter on the internet. People will pour out their feelings and no one will give a hoot. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. But really, no one cares. Does anyone care that I'm typing this right now? Anyone other than my mother and sister? I thought so. Sorry to sound so nihilistic. But I do admire Darth Nihilus, however.

2. The Dark Knight. Had better win some Oscars.

3. Not Oscar from the Office.

4. I forgot what else I was going to rant about when I went and found the URL for the above image. So...later and stuff.

Hello Darlin'. Nice to see you.

It's been a long tiaaaaame. You're just as lovely...

Um... hey Cain't Say. No, I know. It's been a while. No, I haven't forgotten about you, just been busy.

What? I mean, not that you're less important than school work and working on applications for internships and things... just that I know you'll be OK for the time being. Anyway, I'm back now.

So shh, calm down.

I don't know why J-dawg hasn't visited either. That's between you and him.

Anywayyyyy. So, McDonald's Monopoly has started. I've already gotten a few paper pieces closer to $10,000 or something.

But more importantly, I won a free breakfast sandwich; which could be used for that luscious item of desire: the McGriddle. Unfortunately, I think I threw the coupon away.

But man, that McGriddle is something fierce. Yeah it's probably blocking arteries and taking names, but there's always Lipitor or something, right? No wait. Pfizer, the manufacturer of Lipitor and other heart disease medicines will no longer be making those types of drugs. According to the Wall Street Journal anyway.

AHHH but back on topic! The other night I was talking with the fam about McDonald's Monopoly and how Subway had their own version of boardgame entertainment with Scrabble.

It was cute. Subway Scrabble. You got little paper letters on your way too big paper sandwich wrapper. Sometimes you could win cookies or 6-inch subs. (Which I did one time, and totally used that BOOP up at school one day).

Well, all of this fast-food name-and-game alliteration got me thinking. What if other restaurants followed suite? For instance, Burger King Battleship. Or maybe Wendy's Wack-a-mole. Or Pizza Hut Pictionary?? OR TACO BELL TWISTER?!?

I think Taco Bell Twister would be genius. I mean they already sell those cinnamon sugar covered packing peanuts and call them twists. Then somehow incorporate a body-bending and sometimes position-compromising color dot game??!

I might have to start attending the Church of Fourth Meal.

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

I felt compelled to provide a witty narrative in regards to why I haven't been blogging. Well, I follow Lar's lead as to when to post, and she hasn't been posting, so... that's about it. Oh yeah I said this would be witty. What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Species, the ability to walk upright, opposable thumbs, and various other physical and behavioral differences. Oh and lipstick.

Better? What, you want me to post a picture, too? Alright, if you say so...

Copyright Brad Neely.

This post has no purpose

I've been swamped. I'm in the middle of my first round of tests in addition to the daily grind that is Reporting. So naturally, the blog was the first to be ignored. On the other hand, I somehow have made time to watch copious hours of Mad Men.

I had heard about the show from my Mom, and then again from my advertising professor. I thought it was another CSI/Law & Order/The Unit type show, which is why I dismissed it. But then I heard it was based on the "Golden Age" of American advertising, and I was intrigued. Little did I know it would lead to a crack-like addiction to the suave series that pays homage to a much more sophisticated era.

I am not a TV junkie. I spend a lot of time on the Internet and not enough time studying. The only shows I watch regularly are The Office and Project Runway, and Gilmore Girls (RIP). So for me to have a new show where I can't wait for the next episode is a pretty big deal. Anyway, if you guys haven't seen it yet, I HIGHLY recommend it. Sunday nights on AMC.

Sorry this post lacks the funny, it's almost 2:30 :/

An Appeteaser

CHRISTMAS STUFF FOR SALE?? IN SEPTEMBER?



WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT??

Lesser of Two Evils

I have super thick hair. Even though it's been falling out at a ridiculous rate the last few years, there's still tons of it. So I can't even imagine having dreads. If I had dreads, it would ensure the livelihood of woodland creatures that would take up house on my head.

But here's the thing, I couldn't be bald either. You know how babies have that soft spot on their heads until they're like, seven? Well, I think mine shifted to the back of my head then decided to flatten. Ask anyone who knows me or has felt the back of my head, my skull takes a sharp turn south in the back. It freaks people out. It freaks me out. It's probably from all those times I was left to sleep in the car when I was younger after a trip to the grocery store or something.

So if I were bald I know people would think they could put stickers or something on me. Or maybe they'd think my head would make an awesome canvas for tic-tac-toe or Sudoku. I don't wanna risk that...

I guess I'd settle for woodland creatures living in my greasy, nasty dread-hair.

----------

Now who to play me in a movie as I am now.... I think it'd be either Anne Hathaway, Maggie Gyllenhaal, or Lorelai or Rory Gilmore. (No, not Lauren Graham or Alexis Bledel, there's a distinction...)

Obviously, it'd be hard to find someone who can adequately portray my wit, intelligence, sparkling personality and stunning beauty... but I think it's manageable.

If someone made a movie about the amazing life I'm destined to live and hired some old lady to play me, my choices would be either Hellen Mirren or the old lady version of Rose in Titanic. NO WAIT!! I would loooove for Shirley MacLaine to play me. Well, for her as Ouiser Boudreaux in Steel Magnolias as me. She was such a baller in that movie.

Two For the Price of One!

Well we received two more blog requests, so I'll begin by fulfilling whoever’s desire it was to answer their burning questions. The two requests were 1. Would you rather be bald or have dreadlocks? and 2. If a movie were ever to be made about your life, who would play you? Shall we? Or...I...

1. While both hair (or lack there-of) styles are equally outstanding, I'm forced to pick one. There are however several pros and cons of each style that must be addressed before I can give you my answer. I'll start with the pros of being bald.

BALD PROS:
Andre Agassi, Kevin Garnett, Steve Austin, Zinedine Zidane...Oh, I'm doing it wrong, my bad.

BALD PROS:
-No lice.
-You don't have to worry about bad hair days.
-Costs less. (No shampoo, conditioner, et cetera.)
-Can occasionally be mistaken for Mr. Clean.

BALD CONS:
-No lice.
-No hair to style.
-May have a weird-shaped head.
-Can occasionally blind people.

Now onward to the pros and cons of "dreads".

DREADS PROS:
-Look freaking sweet.
-Makes black people even cooler.
-Very clean.
-Jamaica. Need I say more?

DREADS CONS:
-May cause you to be perceived as a pothead.
-Do you know how dreads are formed?
-More costly.

Well, the pros and cons are out there, so I'll share my answer with you.

Dreads.

I think Jason Castro serves as reason enough for why I've picked dreads.

Now, onward to the next question!

If a movie were to be made about my epic life, there is only one man who can successfully portray me, and unfortunately he has passed away just recently. Many of you probably know who I am referring to. That's right, the legendary...Charlton Heston. Just picture Chuck with black, spiky hair, drumming away, sword fighting in his front yard with Owen Wilson as my friend Raymie. The epitome of epic.
Unfortunately, he is no longer with us, so the next actor I would pick to play me would be...Denzel Washington. 'Nuff said.

**Announcement**

Hey guys -

I've heard that some of you weren't able to leave comments, so I changed the comment settings. Now you can comment on a post without being a registered user.

Just one of the many ways we're serving you!

- Lar

That's What She Said

Alright, well keeping with the tradition of this blog (if there is any tradition by the third post), I'll voice my opinion on the submitted subject matter. BEWARE: I AM INCREDIBLY BIASED!

Women rule. They are without a doubt the better sex. I don't know how I could possibly summarize their myriad amazing qualitites in one post, but I'll sure as heck try.

1. They make awesome athletes. WNBA anyone? WNFL? WMLB? Yeah, completely awesome.
2. They make awesome sandwiches. I just love when a woman gets in my kitchen and fetches me a sammich.
3. They're smart enough. They're smart enough that you can tell one to make sandwiches and clean the house, but not smart enough to complain or even disobey.
4. They have menstrual cycles. ...Which grant them unbelievable powers. They become more agreeable and friendly during this time.
5. Only they can birth children. Bravo women. Bravo.
6. They always get to sit down when peeing.
7. They are never expected to look good by society.
8. They are highly respected in the world. Especially in the Middle-East.
9. They're always on top of things.
10. Last, they understand the finer things in life, such as Oprah, bon-bons, Gerard Butler, The Jonas Brothers, and gossiping.

Those should be plenty of reasons explaining why women are clearly the better sex.

I guess I'll start this Beast up

So thanks to our first fan (you know who you are!) for a "fab" topic suggestion.

The topic: Which gender is better, and why?

Well, I could take the easy road and say females are superior simply because I'm a member of that gender.

But who wants to take the easy road when you can travel down a path like Belle's father took in "Beauty and the Beast" when he was on his way to the invention show?

Of course, we all know he gets lost and was locked in the basement and was thereafter referred to as "Crazy Old Maurice." But that's besides the point.

Honestly, I don't think one gender is better than the other. Both have pros and cons. One needs the other to continue the circle of life.

IN GENERAL:
Boys are historically less dramatic than girls. Girls have a nurturing instinct that boys lack. Boys can determine the sex of a child. Girls can carry said child inside their womb. Boys tend to be more adventurous and don't give many things a second thought. (Interpret that as you wish.)

Despite all of those grossly generalized statements, I do think that girls have a disadvantage in the world. Society can continue to "equal opportunity" everything as much as they like, but the truth is that people will continue to think like they always have.

For example, I'm going into a field that apparently has a 10-inch thick glass ceiling. In other words, my career is supposed to be nothing but line jobs and technician work. I'm told I won't get to manage or become a VP of anything. Sucks doesn't it? What makes guys so much more competent and more deserving of upper-level positions? I don't know. No one knows, really. That's why there's still a glass ceiling.

But that's OK though. I'm gonna make like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and bust through that ceiling!

Sweet Beginnings

Lar: What are we going to say?
J-dog: Nothing. We cain't say. Anything. Anything at all.

But really, this is our new blog. We're not exactly sure what the theme is going to be, or what we're going to talk about, but it'll be a wide range of things. This blog is going to be run by two people and we'll even type in different colors to make it easy for ya'll. Sorry to all the color blinds though...

Yep, we're just a bro and a sis, a-blogging away. I'm more into video games and classic rock and generally everything more awesome, like bears. So...that's probably what you'll be hearing about from me.

So, for now we'll update this when we can. At least one of us is pretty busy with school and stuff. Depending on how this goes and if we get super involved, we'll update more frequently. Also, we set up an e-mail address JUST for this blog! So send us any topic ideas, questions, or requests for personal appearances.

Oh also, not all of our posts are going to be both of us talking like this. Probably one, then the other on whatever we want to talk about.

But please, don't send us anything utterly stupid. Since we're the authors of this blog, every post carries our names with it, and I don't know about Lar but I'm not posting anything dumb on here. So don't waste your time and ours by sending joke requests or what have you.

Enjoy my opinions.

Yeah... so anyway... We'll update our profile and stuff in due time. Keep checking up on us and TOGETHER, we'll make this THE BEST PLACE TO BE ON THE INTERNET!!