Lesser of Two Evils

I have super thick hair. Even though it's been falling out at a ridiculous rate the last few years, there's still tons of it. So I can't even imagine having dreads. If I had dreads, it would ensure the livelihood of woodland creatures that would take up house on my head.

But here's the thing, I couldn't be bald either. You know how babies have that soft spot on their heads until they're like, seven? Well, I think mine shifted to the back of my head then decided to flatten. Ask anyone who knows me or has felt the back of my head, my skull takes a sharp turn south in the back. It freaks people out. It freaks me out. It's probably from all those times I was left to sleep in the car when I was younger after a trip to the grocery store or something.

So if I were bald I know people would think they could put stickers or something on me. Or maybe they'd think my head would make an awesome canvas for tic-tac-toe or Sudoku. I don't wanna risk that...

I guess I'd settle for woodland creatures living in my greasy, nasty dread-hair.

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Now who to play me in a movie as I am now.... I think it'd be either Anne Hathaway, Maggie Gyllenhaal, or Lorelai or Rory Gilmore. (No, not Lauren Graham or Alexis Bledel, there's a distinction...)

Obviously, it'd be hard to find someone who can adequately portray my wit, intelligence, sparkling personality and stunning beauty... but I think it's manageable.

If someone made a movie about the amazing life I'm destined to live and hired some old lady to play me, my choices would be either Hellen Mirren or the old lady version of Rose in Titanic. NO WAIT!! I would loooove for Shirley MacLaine to play me. Well, for her as Ouiser Boudreaux in Steel Magnolias as me. She was such a baller in that movie.